JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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