this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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