You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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