Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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