dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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