Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
