youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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