Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
