So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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