so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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