Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
