Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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