I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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