Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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