How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
