You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
