best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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