i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
