What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
