i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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