Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
