Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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