The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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