I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize