wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
