I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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