I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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