There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
