Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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