I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
