I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
