I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
