dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
