So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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