Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
