Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
