oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ttyl tear gas
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize