You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
