Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
