OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
