the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
