Umm I'm too high to move.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
