Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
