No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
