he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
