i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
