You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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