totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
