When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
