I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
