Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
