i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
