ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
