you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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