It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
