Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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