i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
pray to the hookup gods
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize