I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
