Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
