Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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