i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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