it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
