so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
