An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
