Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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