we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
