You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize