We won't sleep together?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
