And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
