so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
